My Favorite Data Breaches

2014: The Bitly Data Breach. The breach I didn’t know I needed. It reminded me that bitly exists. Most of my shortlinks went to loud NSFW sites in my efforts to troll my friends. I deserved this one.

2016: Dropbox. Hold on to your breaches, this one got me good. Lost a lot of good passwords out there.

2012: More concerning that the classic email/password grab, this breach also involved my web activity. Lord knows what I was logging into a poor man’s Soundcloud (already a poor man’s Spotify) for, but it probably is the only data breach worth using as blackmail.

2017: Equifax. So much bang. So little buck!

2016: Yahoo! Yahoo! lost data of 3 billion users. HOW DOES YAHOO! HAVE THREE BILLION USERS?! Luckily I was a longtime Gmail hype train convert, so I wasn’t bothered that Yahoo! went the hooker route: change their name (“Altaba” is a stripper name if I ever heard one) and sold themselves to the highest bidder (Verizon).

2018: Marriott. Finally a chance to get my passport involved in all the fun. Why do hotels need to see your passport anyway?

2012: OPM. Finally an exciting look at all the juicy details Federal workers put into their SF-86. Hope those Chinese hackers have fun reading through my college years of travel.